NeuroDiverse living in a NeuroTypical society - A character-shaping, if traumatic, experience.

We all like a quiet read on a stormy Sunday morning, right... 
I am thankful to the world wide web for the gems that I come across daily.  

With each find, I learn that I am not alone, that I do not need to fit in, to be accepted, to be a part of anything that I do not feel comfortable with; I can just be.  

And in being I thrive. 


Following are Extracts from: 
https://www.reframingautism.com.au/unusual-a-reflection-on-my-schooldays-as-an-unidentified-autistic/?fbclid=IwAR29B2pBldUwo3lZJQTa_FuJVGTjE9zCPHPfqhZvzvsN1yYm13vEnmQWEUg

Relatable quotes from the people who know.

A song I liked at the time, had the line, ‘The meaning doesn’t matter, if it’s only idle chatter’. It seemed this ‘meaning doesn’t matter, idle chatter’ social communication that everyone had, but me, made the planet spin. Whatever assets I had (and I did have assets) counted for nothing, if I didn’t do the ‘social communication thing’, choosing to go around being the school equivalent of clubbable. 

I learned at school that to be truly social, you had to stop being meaningful, and to be truly meaningful, you had to stop being social. Regardless of whether I was too serious to be funny or too funny to be serious, my conversation was always meaningful – I needed a base level of depth in order to talk. Without that depth, I stopped talking, and just sat there, while other kids talked around me.

I couldn’t be bothered to shapeshift into something I wasn’t, to get on with kids who’d only accept me, if I became like them.

... my unpopular communication had a name (Autism) and there was a whole community sharing my neurotype (Autistics) whose difficulty with the intruders (or NTs) matched my own, was like the expansion of the universe!
I learned NTs aren’t normal, just common.

I learned Autistics find our own ways of communicating, because the accepted ways don’t work. I always knew that’s how it was for me, but somehow having the word ‘Autistic’ made all the difference – like someone taking a light down into darkness, showing me who I was, also showing me I was just fine as I was.

And I am. 💖

...my difficult school experience might have been avoided by copying what the intruders were doing, rather than standing out. 

I, however, did make my experience easier by copying what the NTs were doing; this was facilitated by being a foreigner, studying the language and culture of the country where I sought refuge from an abusive family background.  

But, as the years went by -the decades, it became less acceptable to slip and make mistakes of a social  or communication nature; the excuses of the cultural chasm and the language barrier no longer hold water after all this time...  The support dwindled and it became necessary to seek help of a different nature in order to cope with life.  

Sadly, 'hippy stuff 'was no match for this challenge; a more and more Plant-Based diet, mineral and herbal supplements, self-care, communion with nature via the sea and, later on, a dog, aromatherapy, massage therapy, pilates, yoga; all those failed to remove me from the whirlpool where I drowned. 
In the end, reaching rock bottom to have somewhere to kick from and swim back up was my only option. 
So, after years of being kept alive by a sense of duty and some medical assistance, both of the chemical and CBT kind, I did swim back to the surface and I now willfully avoid the trash that is strewn all over the place, ready to trip me up.  

I have survived thus far; no-one - NO one, is going to ever bring me down again. 

I know who I am.  I love who I am.  I am ready to share. 

But narcissists beware:  This vulnerable ND does have both instinct and experience to see herself safely to shore!

So, thank you for being part of my life; it's been gruelling, it's been informative and educational (even if based in your attempts to thwart my growth...), altogether an invaluable learning experience.

A statue made of marble is far more valuable than a mere slab, wouldn't you say?

Rhetorical questions:  The ones I always have to answer 

(albeit quietly, in my mind, in order not to draw attention to myself yet again) 

even though I do know that they do not call for an answer 

- I can't help it!